


Re-Branding the Moment

by ijemanja



Category: Better Off Ted
Genre: Episode Related, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-09
Updated: 2010-01-09
Packaged: 2018-02-06 04:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1844506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijemanja/pseuds/ijemanja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Admittedly, and although she appreciated the gesture, Veronica wailing on her at random intervals got a little old after a few days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Re-Branding the Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Refers to episode 2.06, 'Beating a Dead Workforce', which is of course the one where Veronica helps Linda learn to live in the moment by physically injuring her.

Admittedly, and although she appreciated the gesture, Veronica wailing on her at random intervals got a little old after a few days.

"I'm in the moment," she said pre-emptively, as she conscientiously and appreciatively poured her morning coffee in the kitchenette. "Seriously, I have bruises. At least three people I know think my boyfriend is abusing me. Which is doubly sad since A, I don't even have a boyfriend, and B, it makes me wonder how much people listen when I talk."

Veronica, leaning against the counter and considering a bagel topping, said, "Linda, you have pretty hair and a perky little bottom; people assume things. I should know, I have both those things, only to a greater and more aesthetically pleasing degree. Oh, and one more thing." Her hand shot out and she flicked Linda between the eyes.

"Ow! God, what was that for, I'm in the moment, this coffee is _awesome_."

"Someone who was living in the moment wouldn't be worried about their lack of a boyfriend. They certainly wouldn't be whining about it with their boss in a professional setting such as this."

"Okay, I deserved that one. Thank you. But you really have to stop injuring me, or I'm going to end up in a domestic violence awareness seminar and that's an important issue and I'll feel gross if I have to go to one under such stupid circumstances."

"Ugh, this conversation is turning out just like that LoCuKill® meeting with the lawyers yesterday. 'LoCuKill® works, doesn't it?' I said to them. 'Doesn't it kill those genetically engineered super-locusts we absolutely did not accidentally release into the ecosystem and which have now spread across five major states and one Canadian province?' And they were just like you. Only focused on the negative."

"Well yeah, it kills the locusts. It also kills children under the age of five. Targets them, specifically, in fact. Also the Amish, for some reason nobody has been able to figure out yet."

"And don't think our contacts in the United States military aren't extremely interested in seeing where that goes."

"What did the Amish ever do to the United States military?"

"They know what they did, oh, they know. My point, Linda, is that injuring you in various ways works for both of us - it keeps you in the moment, which is where you want to be, while providing me with a rewarding physical outlet I now realise has been missing in my life."

"It hurts when I sleep."

"Oh, fine."

"Thank you. I'm going to go enjoy my coffee in my cubical now. I mean, not in my cubical, in _the moment_."

She skirted warily around Veronica, not trusting her at her word just yet.

"Of course there is another sure-fire method of staying in the moment," Veronica said casually as Linda backed slowly away from her.

Not looking where she was going, Linda stumbled over a potted plant, one of the fake ones that still somehow seemed to grow and never failed to creep her out whenever she brushed up against one. She managed not to spill coffee on herself, though, so she counted it a victory, even if the victory smelled like barely restrained terror, and some kind of plastic.

"Okay, so what's the other method?" she asked once she was stable again.

"You don't know?"

"Should I know?" Suddenly Veronica was there, flicking her in the forehead again. "Hey! We agreed you wouldn't be doing that any more! Come on, it was like thirty seconds ago."

"Oh, that wasn't to keep you in the moment, that was to wipe that perturbed-chipmunk look off your face. It bothers me. The other method of staying in the moment is sex, you idiot."

"Oh, right, of course. Silly me. Sex." Linda laughed, and continued backing away. A little more quickly this time, though, and to hell with the whole creepy, undead plant situation.

Except it wasn't as wacky an idea as all that, she acknowledged to herself a few minutes later as she sipped her coffee and tapped idly on MacGyver's bowl. It wasn't like she hadn't already propositioned Ted in the name of moment-living, although he hadn't gone for it because Ted was kind of a doody-head at times.

The rest of her co-workers were either annoying or disgusting or would enjoy it too much and make her feel weird after. Plus, randomly propositioning co-workers never turned out well, as her recent time spent in Pervert Class had taught her.

With a deeply felt and prescient sigh, she decided to move past this particular moment, and progress to one in which she really experienced her dislike for the 'Alternate Uses for Harvested Gerbil Brains' presentation she had to give that afternoon.

It was about an hour later when: "Linda, where are the latest numbers for the Sven account?"

Veronica was all of a sudden in her cubicle and hovering over her shoulder. Like, really close.

"Uh, Veronica, I'm not on the Sven project," she replied, all tensed up on account of how she was afraid to move.

Veronica gave a little shrug but otherwise remained in place. Linda could feel her breath on the side of her face. "That's fine," Veronica said, "I wasn't actually interested in what I just asked you about. I just needed a reason to bend down like this and smell your neck."

"What... does it smell like?"

"A little like one of those weird potted plants everyone keeps complaining about. And tangerines."

"Veronica, you're smelling my neck," she pointed out carefully.

"Are you in this moment with me, Linda?"

"Yeeeeaaah. I'm not sure I'm enjoying it, but I'm definitely in it."

"Really, you're not sure?" Veronica swept a piece of Linda's hair behind her ear with the lightest brush of her fingertip. It sent a weird little shiver right down her spine.

"Um."

"We'll work on your elocution during sexually charged moments at some future point. Right now, I actually do need to know if you're on top of the hamster thing for this afternoon."

"Uh, yeah."

"You know you'll be required to speak, and perhaps even string more than two words together at a time, during the meeting."

Linda, deciding not to even bother trying this time, just nodded.

Veronica nodded back. "Excellent." And then she left.

It did not end there. Of course it didn't.

After the meeting that afternoon, Linda wound up sharing an elevator with Veronica on the way back to their floor. As soon as the doors closed, Veronica turned her head and stared at the side of Linda's head.

Linda's thought process went like this: Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. What is she going to do to me.

And then Veronica walked her fingers up Linda's arm, and what came out of her mouth was: "Veronica, this is a little weird."

"Why thank you, that's very flattering," Veronica replied.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Linda said, "You're hearing something other than what I'm actually saying again, aren't you?"

Veronica left the elevator, pausing only to toss over her shoulder, "You know, I'm actually feeling moderately attracted to you right now, Linda. Now _that's_ a little weird."

So being sexually harassed by Veronica wasn't something you just got used to, but over the next few days Linda found that at least it resulted in a lot less bruising and discomfort. Well, less bruising, anyway.

Veronica deciding to play footsies with her under a boardroom table inadvertently resulted in one heck of a bruise on her right ankle, actually, but really it was the discomfort that was the main issue.

It was kind of driving her crazy, though, the whole Veronica thing. Maybe in a good way, sure, but it was difficult to tell.

"Linda," Veronica smiled slightly as they ran into each other outside the women's restroom. She pushed through the door and held it open for her. "You just can't get enough of our special little moments together, can you? Unfortunately you'll have to wait. I have to pee."

"I didn't follow you in here." Actually, she'd done exactly that, but it hadn't been something she planned, so it didn't count. "I have to pee, too."

Veronica - because this was the kind of thing she did these days, and damn if Linda wasn't kind of getting used to it in spite of herself - Veronica rounded on her and invaded her personal space until she was backed up against the sinks. "Linda, you don't have a urination fetish, do you? Because I'm afraid that is not one of the many, many things I'm into, sexually _or_ non-sexually speaking."

"No, I just kind of needed to go."

"A coincidence. I like it. Meet me back here after you're done washing your hands. I figure we can make out a little, and then swing by Ted's office to have that LoCuKill® re-branding discussion I know you've both been trying to avoid."

Linda stared at a point somewhere to the left of Veronica's smooth, shiny hair. It helped not having to see the predatory gleam in Veronica's eyes. Then again, no, it didn't really help at all.

"Yeah, okay, that sounds fine." Wow her voice was really high and weird. She took a quick breath. "Except I don't think I need to pee any more." Like she was going to be doing that with Veronica one stall over and now with the whole making out thing to think about. "Nervous bladder."

"Fine. I still want you to wash your hands. I fully expect you to touch me in all sorts of places and I don't know where you've been."

Linda blinked. "O-oh. Okay." She started to turn around and reach for the nearest faucet. Veronica snorted and swivelled her back so they were facing each other once more.

"We'll obviously have to schedule some time for you to work on your sense of humour during sexually charged situations. Later. We'll double-up with the speech regression therapy." She tossed her head artfully. "Right now _I'm_ sexually charged and you haven't kissed me yet. One more moment like this and I may get offended."

"Oh god. Okay. But this makes me really nervous so don't go judging my initial technique as representative of my overall standard of performance, because I might need to work my way into it gradually."

"And one more moment like _that_ and I'm going to get bored. Moreso. Oh, and one more thing."

"Ow! God!" Linda clutched her cheek, which Veronica had just slapped.

"Oh, you're in the moment now." Veronica took the hand cradling Linda's injured face, and put it over her breast, holding it there while she said fervently, "Can't you feel it? My heart racing, my nipple tightening? I'm sure yours must be, too. I mean, if I'm turned on, I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Kiss me. Kiss me now! And if you make that chipmunk face at me again so help me -"

Linda grabbed Veronica by the bun at the back of her head - the only viable handhold that wasn't a boob, which she was already plenty familiar with, thanks - and kissed her already.

This produced two favourable outcomes. One, Veronica stopped talking like that. And two, Linda was finally, really, definitely feeling it. The moment, that is.


End file.
